Got catcalled today...

[Zoom]

You know usually, when it's sweaty smoking construction workers or strange foreign men who do it, it's kind of like "omg go go go pretend you don't hear them", but this time it was two guys my age in a car, who stopped for me so I could cross the street. And I dunno, I feel kind of good about it. Like, I am attractive to people I might possibly find attractive back. I know this is kind of backwards and insensitive of me, but I was totally proud.

Just kind of weird. The same idea of, if a hot person does something, it's sexy. If a non-hot person does the same thing, it's creepy. We can understand and accept this idea, but it doesn't change the fact that construction workers are creepy and regular dudes my age in cars are cute. Unfair but the way it is.

[the Red Dragon]

I know what you mean. This makes me think of a moment like that I had at work the other day... I was working the register and these two dudes came in together. One of them had dreadlocks and wasn't very attractive at all, but the other one was pretty good-looking. When they ordered their food, the guy who I thought wasn't attractive was really nice, but the other dude was a total jerk...

And it goes the other way, too. Guys are attracted to girls because they're good-looking, not because they're nice or good people or whatever. Guys are even worse than girls when it comes to that, actually.

[sapphire]

It is a bit of a double standard, that certain things are only attractive if attractive people do them.

I, honestly, have always found being catcalled to be somewhat nauseating, no matter who is doing it. Though I must admit that I've never been catcalled by someone I found truly attractive. But I can't imagine being attracted to the personality of someone who catcalls random girls anyway. Their appearance, maybe, but catcalling has always implied a level of objectification and disrespect, to me.
And teasing/flirting just makes me uncomfortable. Flirting is the kind of thing that feels very flattering to me when it's happening (even if the person isn't necessarily someone I'd find attractive), but I always feel sort of sick after the fact, like I did something wrong or reacted oddly. I am not good at flirting.
There was a middle aged guy who was a regular at the gas station I used to work at, and one day he's at my register and he just looks at me for a second and then says, "I shouldn't ask... But you're very pretty." And I tried to turn him down gently, because he was actually super nice about it and I could tell he was embarrassed because I was so much younger than him (I was 18/19, I think, and he at least late 30s - and I've always looked younger than I actually am, even), but even though I wasn't interested, I was flattered.

I also got asked about by a guy who had just told me that he had just gotten back from visiting his sister in jail. So that was awkward. Not that I have anything against people with incarcerated relatives, but that was the first thing he told me. And I got a marriage proposal from this African guy once.
The gas station was a crazy place. The nice middle aged guy freaked me out the least, really.

After all that rambling, my point (I think) is that I find being found attractive flattering, but almost always am extremely uncomfortable about it after the fact.

[the Red Dragon]

It seems cute in a way, that older guy asking you out, but at the same time, it's sort of too bad because he didn't know anything about you - the only reason he was interested in you was because you're good-looking. You know what I mean? Girls are like that a lot, being attracted to someone because of their appearance rather than what they're like as a person, but it's even more common among guys, which I think it too bad.

[Zoom]

That's interesting, how it's neat at first for you and then afterwards you feel odd about it.

Also about flirting, seriously don't worry about it. If they think you're hot and you think they're hot there's literally not much that can go wrong. I should mention that when I was 17-18 me and this guy were so desperately trying to be cool and romantic what with the witty banter, and our playing-pool metaphor eventually got so convoluted and complicated we literally had to give up.

I agree it's kind of sweet! I don't think that scenario could possibly have turned out better. So many creepy older dudes.

And yeah people are terrible. I noticed something: if a really good looking person smiles at me, even like completely innocently, I've noticed I automatically think they're being super nice and sincere, even though there's no real evidence for that. Similarly if it's an ugly person it always looks kind of forced and 'off' somehow. Literally because their entire face is 'off', but it's so unfair that it affects how I think about them.

I really think though that how you act has a lot to do with how attractive you appear. I knew this girl last semester who had kind of a squishy face and a weird nose, but she was just like the friendliest and happiest person you can imagine, and she was gorgeous because of that. Like she didn't think of herself as funny-looking, so she didn't appear funny looking. It was only if she was concentrating on something and stopped talking and laughing that you noticed her face was technically a bit off.

[sapphire]

People are really superficial. It's sad - how much happier would we be if we could just forget about looks?
Reading comments on a youtube video or news story with pictures of someone less than perfectly gorgeous is always depressing for me. So many people like to point out that the person is "ugly" even if the message is something really profound and wonderful. And most of the time, they're really not ugly. They're just not supermodels airbrushed within an inch of their lives.

Apparently people are genetically predisposed to be more attracted to people with more symmetrical faces. But I hate to just blame genetics - aren't we responsible for our own actions/reactions? Yet at the same time, I know I'm more likely to be interested romantically in someone I find attractive. And mutual attraction is important for a relationship. Without attraction, going beyond friendship is just awkward.


Eh, I've given up on being good at flirting. I have pretty much zero practice, and honestly I'd rather attract someone who's interested in me just for me, not for how good I am at acting attractive. Does that make any sense?
(Though apparently I flirt without realizing it sometimes, which can be awkward.)

I must say, I'm interested in this playing-pool metaphor.

I should also clarify: I'm flattered in the moment when people find me attractive unless it's something like being catcalled, or really explicit. There was this guy on the street in New York, as I crossed from the main campus to get to my dorm. He was riding past on his bike, and just... Ugh. I won't repeat what he said, but I felt sick for a week every time I crossed that street (which was multiple times per day). I never even saw his face - he was moving too fast - so I have no idea if he was attractive or not, but I wouldn't give a personality like that the time of day.
I have to wonder why on earth he thought that was okay to do. Who taught him that he could talk to women like that, and - maybe more importantly - who didn't teach him that it was not okay?