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Post by Endovia on Feb 18, 2013 11:59:38 GMT -6
Muaha! We have mastered the male mind! Hold on, let me make a computer program for that. The sledding sounds fun. I can see the logic in that. I just don't understand gross stuff like the cinnamon challenge or blending up a hamburger and fries and then seeing who can chug it the fastest. That's just nasty. I'm more comfortable sharing my work here than with my closet friends. And it's not just about the whole critique thing. I feel like you guys can understand my stuff more. "+ Finishing your To Do list!" Yes! I love that feeling! I love crossing things off.  "+ Thanks for the idea of putting a rant board up!" Agreed. It's nice ranting and just getting stuff off of your chest. |
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Post by Zoom on Feb 18, 2013 20:30:41 GMT -6
My friends and I get along because we have very similair personalities, but these personalities manifest in different ways. Here, though, we have different personalities but a shared interest: writing. When I made this board, it was because I wanted an excuse to yell about some things that were bothering me. I figure if other people can rant too it's a little better |
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Post by sapphire on Feb 18, 2013 22:10:24 GMT -6
This is the place I come to when I feel like I need to share something with people. Facebook, then the Echo.  It's nice to have people who know you without really knowing you. You know? (Heh.) No obligation to act a certain way, to talk about certain things. + finishing a really good book and knowing your world will never be the same |
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Jade
Storyteller
Posts: 159
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Post by Jade on Feb 19, 2013 19:36:38 GMT -6
When I made this board, it was because I wanted an excuse to yell about some things that were bothering me. I figure if other people can rant too it's a little better It's not so much a rant, but I've been a little disheartened lately because my intestines have been bleeding--again. I've been feeling kind of crappy because of it: lower back pain, abdominal cramps; fatigue. I have to see the doctor on the 26th. I'll be talking about Remicade treatments with him. My recent colonoscopy report didn't come back very awesome and my doctor warns me that because I haven't been in remission with my (severe) ulcerative colitis for 9 years, I have a high chance of developing colon cancer, thus losing my colon, and living with a colostomy bag.  I ate curry chicken--and it wasn't that hot--but it ripped me up inside. I'm tired of being sick all the time and the thing is, because I have a bowel disorder I have a hard time finding a job that can suit my needs. People don't realize that when I have to run to the bathroom--I have to run! I have a minute warning tops--no control. It's so humiliating and because I'm nervous about going places in fear of accidents, I don't have any real life friends to hang out with. I can't go ANYWHERE if that place doesn't have a bathroom. And a lot of times I won't go places simply because I don't know where the bathrooms are located. I'm just disappointed right now. I was doing okay and then bam! I started bleeding again just because I had some curry. It's not that easy to just hand over a body part. I've lived with UC since I was 11 so it's all I've really known--I'm used to it, but I get saddened that it's this severe and that I have to mentally prepare for surgery. Maybe in five years, maybe in ten. I try not to think about it, but during flares like this, it's hard not to think of what could be looming over me. I guess on the bright side the bowel disorder has kept me thin and given me lots of time to write since I don't work much. And where I do work it's for my surgeon who hired me because she was impressed with me as a patient when she first diagnosed me at 11. She literally knows me inside and out. Ha ha. |
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Post by Raphael on Feb 19, 2013 20:48:06 GMT -6
Sorry to dampen the mood more, but do any of you ever just sit back and realize how mortal you are? People say the only limit that exists is the one you set, but how limited we really are. We could die at any time, without any warning. That small flu that you have? It's really going to kill you in the middle of the night and no one will have expected it, and you wont have been ready for it. It could just come out of no where, and all of the sudden bang! you're dead. Are all of us try hards doomed to failure simply because there is a limit to how much we can take? How fragile we all are, how breakable. And yet the human spirit is often far stronger than the body, and that drives us on. but no matter how strong your spirit is sooner or later, your body will die. And so will you.
I haven't ever had anything like that. I was born 8 weeks earlie so i sometimes wonder if my lungs really are bad, or my heart. the thing is i am most definatly a white knuckle try hard. If it hurts, then i'll just bear it. If i am sick, then i will just wait it out for the week and a half mostly. But how much can the human body really take? How far can we push ourselves before we kill ourselves?
It's almost funny how life always has a way to bring you down. You just have to keep going. Because as soon as you stop trying, as soon as you stop pushing because you start worrying more about how sorry for yourself you are. Then you've lost. But you just have to keep at it. Keep getting up. As much aas life brings you down, and as much as you constantly seem to fall. 'Man' (The being) is far more powerful than even that.
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Jade
Storyteller
Posts: 159
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Post by Jade on Feb 19, 2013 21:59:25 GMT -6
Sometimes I wonder things like that. I haven't gotten my driver's license yet because I think I'm going to die in an automobile accident.
Something totally isn't right. I don't know what it is or what I sense. I just want to say 'it's over, it's over, that's it; it's done.' I've been having panic attacks; I'm nervous; my stomach's been churning. I don't know what's wrong, but in my head I'm just thinking 'danger; danger; death; the end; it's over'
Something isn't right; I feel it. It's weird, I know, but I'm totally on edge. I'm sleeping in my coat because I feel like at any moment I might need to get up and run.
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Jade
Storyteller
Posts: 159
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Post by Jade on Feb 19, 2013 22:05:02 GMT -6
I feel like I have to warn somebody of something, but I don't know what to warn them of.
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Post by Zoom on Feb 19, 2013 23:10:58 GMT -6
Toni - I am so sorry about your UC. Of course I can't understand what it's like, but I'm sorry anyway. Raphael - Yes. "We live on the cusp of death thinkin' that it won't be us". I remember one time I was coming home from town, alone. It was dark, it was raining, and I was going twice the speed limit just cuz I could. I went around a low corner, overcorrected, and nearly hit an oncoming car. "That could've been it!" I screamed. "That could've been it; why the fuck do you drive so fast?!?" So I'm a try hard too. I have this thing, this idea in my head that if something can't be tough and do a good job it's not worth having. So I wear work boots, I drive (drove ) a Chevy 4x4, I toss my cell phone around, and I get so pissed at my body if it can't perform up to standard. I don't take meds when I'm sick. I hate that I get a period, because I'm physically and mentally compromised for four days. But I'm still sticking around. I think each human has to decide for themselves to Create meaning, not look for it (because they won't find any inherent meaning). I'd say "Keep Getting Up" is as good a reason as any. Toni - do you mean, you feel like something Terrible is about to happen, something written into the code of existence? Do you fear death because you have a sneaking suspicion it's not a pleasant place? Do you find yourself working out so you'll last longer in a physical confrontation, if it comes to that? Are you learning martial arts for this reason? If so, join the club. We meet every week in my backyard bunker. Bring your own canned goods. (I'm only partially joking.) |
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Jade
Storyteller
Posts: 159
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Post by Jade on Feb 20, 2013 10:41:24 GMT -6
Toni - do you mean, you feel like something Terrible is about to happen, something written into the code of existence? Do you fear death because you have a sneaking suspicion it's not a pleasant place? Do you find yourself working out so you'll last longer in a physical confrontation, if it comes to that? Are you learning martial arts for this reason? If so, join the club. We meet every week in my backyard bunker. Bring your own canned goods. (I'm only partially joking.) Partially? Ha ha. I don't know last night I just felt weiiiiiiiiird. Like I was running in circles screaming 'It's a twister; it's a twister'. |
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Spectre
Storyteller
"You can't be sure if Internet quotes are accurate." -Abraham Lincoln
Posts: 274
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Post by Spectre on Feb 20, 2013 12:55:51 GMT -6
Man- I don't know what to say. It would be really cheap for me to try to give you guys (Zoom, Raphael, and Toni) advice when I have no idea what it's like to be you. So I'll just put out my two cents, I guess.
I've been thinking about this too- maybe not death in particular, but more like why things in the world are so bleak. I've been taking this God thing a lot more seriously since this last school year started; that's gotten me through a lot of these questions. I'm starting to really understand that God actually cares; not just about the injustice and pain in the world, but specifically about me. And about you, too. But to be honest, I'm taking a hard look at what I believe.
There was this giant discussion a few days ago about if there is a God, and how He works; everyone was throwing out these lofty philosophical ideas, but I just kept thinking about how it relates to regular people. How is someone supposed to say "God is in control" after a relative dies? But how could you say "God's a myth" at his or her funeral?
It's been really tough to realize how much I don't know. There's a lot that I can't answer. And yeah, sometimes I get really mad about stuff I wish was different. I wish I could figure out what I want to do with my life. I wish my dad wasn't having heart problems. But I'm no different than anybody- I probably exaggerate my problems, and I have a ton to learn. Starting with this- I think you guys are absolutely right. We do need to keep getting up each morning.
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Jade
Storyteller
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Post by Jade on Feb 20, 2013 14:28:44 GMT -6
I'm starting to really understand that God actually cares; not just about the injustice and pain in the world, but specifically about me. And about you, too. But to be honest, I'm taking a hard look at what I believe. I believe in God. I just know He's there because of things that have happened to me, but also because I want to believe He's there. I look at the way the world is going and how evil it's become. I feel like my generation is going into a hopeless era, that's why I need God because He at least gives me hope amongst the gloom. Some people don't want God in their lives or can't believe He exists, but for me if He's not there what's the point of life? It's not a debate about who's more superior, the one who believes or the one who doesn't because it's up to us as individuals to find our own security. One might feel secure by having money or guns, or knowledge in sciences and some only need to believe in a Deity to feel secure in life. Because only God remains forever, everything else on earth can be taken away or lost. For me, God is my ultimate security and my investment. But, honestly, who are we in the universe. We're a speck of dust. A blink in existence and then we're gone. If evil befalls us, bad times, etc. who are we to say whether we're being punished by God or if it's time and chance, which happens to us all. And even if we are being punished who are we to say whether or not we deserve it? We didn't create the universe so how can we say God's wrong? God's perfect--we're not. And sometimes we might not have done anything wrong, but God teaches us through trials to be humble, appreciative, kind, understanding, generous; traits that we need to strengthen. Ulcerative colitis can be really depressing at times, but I feel like because of it, I've changed for the better. I'm far more understanding toward people with medical problems than I think I would be if I didn't have the disease. Even if I could go back in time and avoid the church banquet (where I got salmonella poisoning which triggered the disease), I wouldn't. It's disheartening at times, but after letting out frustrations I pick myself up and carry along because I know if God wanted to heal me He could and if He wants me to get cancer then I will. There's no fighting Him. And even if one doesn't believe in Him, no one can fight fate. What will be will be. |
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Post by sapphire on Feb 20, 2013 18:38:12 GMT -6
I'm definitely in the "pick yourself up and keep going" camp, too. Sometimes it's hard - and I can't imagine what you go through with UC, Toni - but if we can't get up again, then why are we here?
There was a pretty bad fire at my school, recently. No one was hurt, thank God, but a lot of students lost a lot of artwork. The senior painting studio is what caught fire, and everything in it is gone. These were paintings that the artists had been working on for years and were planning to put in a show at the end of the year. They were depending on those paintings to graduate, and some were depending on selling those paintings to make rent. But the worst of it is that they put their hearts and souls into those paintings, and now they're ash.
I can't even imagine trying to pick up from that - I mean, imagine losing all of your writing. All of it, gone, no chance of recover. And yet, there they are. Going to classes, putting in claims for insurance, painting again.
I believe in God, and I believe that God cares. It's just that sometimes we can't see His plans.
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Post by Raphael on Feb 20, 2013 18:45:26 GMT -6
God is most definatly a most confusing riddle. And at times, I most definatly look like blasted fools. But then i realize that I really am a blasted fool, and would be insanely stupid to think i could understand it.
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Post by Zoom on Feb 21, 2013 0:34:59 GMT -6
Funnily enough, a lot of the things you're saying about God are what I say about the universe. Different terms, different manifestations, but ultimately the same result: there's something Big out there, and we can't understand why bad things happen, but hot damn we're gonna try our best to live a good life anyway.
+ Humans are ultimately pretty much the same.
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Post by Raphael on Feb 21, 2013 5:49:17 GMT -6
And yet how unique we all are
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)) xD
